M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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