If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
