roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize