You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
