My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
