WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
