dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
