So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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