i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
