There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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