you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
