I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
