He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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