You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
