I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
