I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
