went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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