And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
