mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
