he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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