Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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