How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
