Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
