I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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