entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
