It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone đ
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying âFUCK YOUâ to all my spam emails. Canât tell you how excited I am
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