I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
