I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
