wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize