I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
