I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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