i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
