you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize