I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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