Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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