you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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