The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
