I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
