Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
