I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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