Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I will die if light touches me.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
