I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
