Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i think i scared a bird with my dick
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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