I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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