This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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