Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize