no, he came in my armpit
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
