My hand turned me down
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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