Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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