Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
