Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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