it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
