My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
