so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
