good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
