girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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