Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
