I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
only if we run a train.
done.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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