So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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