My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize