He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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