she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
