Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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