There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
