My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
