I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
