I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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