Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
