Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
