I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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