i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
