He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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