yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
