So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize
