TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
God I need to hump something, right now.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
