Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize