I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
